The Power of Service
Lately, I have noticed my tendency to be ‘shy’ flaring up again.
Being ‘shy’ is essentially a fear of engaging with others from a belief that we are small, young, less, insignificant in the hierarchy of things, and that we must wait for others to engage us, cajole us, call us out and convince us repeatedly, lovingly and amply that it’s safe for us to come out and play in their presence. Now if you ask me whether I actually believe this voice of fear, I would say, “Of course not! I know none of these conditions are true!” And yet, unconsciously, my fear self believes that I am the young child and I need validation from the world before I can express my ‘heart’.
Being ‘shy’ may take the form of:
Not asking for what you want…
Going along with what your wife/ husband/ partner/ friend/ sister/ brother may want to do even though it’s not what you really want…
Not sharing your ideas with people you regard as an authority…
Being overly humble…
Not expressing yourself in public…
Not sharing your creations with the world…
Hiding behind someone else’s name or authority…
Wanting people to convince you that they really value you…
Being ‘shy’ can look like being nice or polite or agreeable. But it isn’t. It’s highly dysfunctional. Being shy is an unconscious strategy to create distance between us and the world, and wait for energy, permission, love from other people before we come out and play. (It’s a bid for safety.) No relationship is ever served by hiding who we truly are AND secretly (unconsciously) ‘demanding energy’ before we show ourselves. We cannot create the relationships, jobs, careers, wealth, and even the joy, health and wellbeing that we would love if we make being fully present and authentic conditional on how much cajoling and invitation we get from the world. And it certainly does not serve the impact we are here to create with our gifts and talents and energy and love.
Because I know that ‘being shy’, essentially retreating into my child-safety-mode, is a part of my fear formation, and I know what forms it takes, I know to look out for it. And that allows me to acknowledge what I said above: that my being shy or helpless or feeling small or insignificant doesn’t help anyone. Not me. Not any of my relationships. And not the purpose that I am here to serve.
What gets me back out into the world is a Fearless Formula that can be summed up in one word:
Service
Our strongest source of power is our desire to share our gifts and expression with the world. To make a difference, to contribute, to create something that improves our lives and that of others. In other words, our desire to serve. (Believe it or not, it is even stronger than our fears, once we learn to harness it.)
When we orientate ourselves in Service, our true power comes gifted to us. When we acknowledge our fears, but focus our entire being on how we can be of service to ourselves and others, something shifts. Something much more powerful than our fears kick in: Our heart. Our true nature. Our Power.
Service simply says, “It’s not about me, it’s about what I would love to bring into creation.”
“I know I may not be applauded, approved of, acknowledged, appreciated, but that’s okay.”
“I know this may not be successful, or rich, but I would love to do this anyway.”
“I know I may not appear strong, or right, or create a certain impression, but this is what my heart tells me to do.”
“I know I may receive less love by being honest about who I am, but I’ve got to express myself.”
Service frees us up to focus on our greatest end result rather than our strategies to be safe. Service anchors us in who we really are, and gives us the courage to express it.
The fearless technique I use is simple, I remind myself of the fundamental things:
“What would I love to bring into creation?”
“How can I best serve that?”
“Never mind what I am afraid of. It’s not about me, it’s about what I would love to serve.”
This creates a significant subconscious shift and it’s one of the simplest and most powerful techniques you can use lift up the ‘fear anchors’ weighing you down. (It takes some training to know that the answers to your questions are not further motivated by your unconscious fears hiding under the guise of what you would love, but with more and more awareness of your fears and your ‘true nature and purpose’, it becomes increasingly more intuitive.)
And so, I leave you with these two questions:
